I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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