And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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