Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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