Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
