I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
