Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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