My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
