you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
