so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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