I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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