The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
