were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
