On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think I just sharted jello shots
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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