physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
