Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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