We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
