Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
