You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
