Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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