So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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