So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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