my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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