there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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