roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He called his prostate his "boner button".
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
