My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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