my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
