If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Houston, we have a blender
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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