Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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