matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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