i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
