If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
