why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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