what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
