You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
