worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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