Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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