matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
