The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
