bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
