I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
