Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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