I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you never un-have a 4some
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
