You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
