i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
