it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
