dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
