Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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