I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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