Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
