Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
