Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
