i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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